With A Little Help From My Friends...

Well, today is the day!

After literally decades of trying, I am finally (FINALLY!!) going to have a novel published!  A real novel!  With words and punctuation and…EVERYTHING!!!

Wow!  I honestly don’t know what to say.

Yes, I do.

THANK YOU!

Thanks to all of you who have helped me bring Edmund to life.

Thanks to the wonderful people at TORC (www.theonering.com) who encouraged me over the years.  Edmund was initially born on TORC’s discussion boards as a simple writing exercise.  I couldn’t have even gotten started without you TORCers.

I also want to thank everybody at AbsoluteWrite (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/). If you are an aspiring writer, you simply have to go to AW.  There you can find the right mix of encouragement and criticism that every writer needs.

I also want to thank all of my new friends on G+.  I’m not much of a people person, but I really enjoy getting to know all of you.  I hope I can cheer you all on as well as you have me.

And then, of course, there is my publisher (Diversion Books), my agent (Joelle Delbourgo), and editor/writing coach (ChristineDeSmet).  They each saw something in Edmund that was worthy of publication.  I hope that Riddle in Stone does well enough to justify their faith in me.

Finally, there is my wonderful wife, Kristen. 

Our lives are very busy. Between homeschooling our two incredible boys and all of the things they are into (e.g., tae kwan do, swimming, Chinese school, piano, LEGO club), we really don’t have much time together.  We’re always handing the kids off and passing each other as one of us runs off to work.  Yet, despite the headaches caused by our time constraints, Kris still encourages me to go up in office and write.  (HEY…wait a second!! Maybe she doesn’t want me around!!!)  At any rate, thank you Kris.  I love you more than anything. Thank you for letting me be your husband.

With all of this said, I do have one favor to ask all of you.  It’s a big favor and purely selfish of me to ask.

But I need your help getting the word out about Riddle in Stone.

I am hoping that, if Edmund sells well enough, I’ll be able to write other stories and keep improving as a writer.

Many of you already have been gracious enough to buy Riddle in Stone and I thank you.  Thank you very, very, very much!! Thank you! )By the way, you can’t have your money back!  *Ka-CHING!!* Fifty cents more in the kids’ college funds!  Whoo hoo!)

But I’m hoping you’ll do a few other things for me, if you don’t mind.

First, if you have purchased the book, please post reviews wherever you bought it as well as on places like GoodReads. 

Second, I would also really, really, REALLY appreciate it if you would mention Riddle in Stone on whatever social media you use…Facebook, G+, Twitter, and so forth.

Please don’t be pushy, but … if your friends are interested in character-driven novels that have an odd sense of humor to them … maybe direct them to my website at www.RobertEvert.com.  There they can learn more about me as well as find where to buy Riddle in Stone (by the way, it is available as an e-book at most online stores for $2.99).  You can also find a SAMPLE CHAPTER both on my website as well as on this blog (click on the book cover).

If you don’t know anything about Riddle in Stone, this is what it’s about… 

It’s labeled as an “epic fantasy” but I hope that it is much more than that.  Yes, it has a little magic and battles and goblins … but it’s mainly about a middle aged man who stutters and feels like a loser. To give his life meaning, he sets off on an adventure so that he can become a hero.  But he quickly realizes that being a hero isn’t all that it is cracked up to be.  Think of it as a “coming of middle age” story.

There is also a romance to it.  Edmund loves a woman named Molly.  But she doesn’t really know he exists.  He wants to become a hero so he can win her heart.

And there’s a “bromance.”  Edmund and another character named, “Pond Scum,” become best friends and often find themselves saving each other’s lives, even at the peril of their own.

And there’s a bit of a comedy. The “bad” guys (Kravel and Gurding) have a very odd sense of humor with which they torture Edmund.

Perhaps it is an okay story.  I’ll let you be the judge.

Again, if you would like to read the first chapter, it’s available here as well as on www.RobertEvert.com.  I hope you enjoy it.

Well, that’s it.  I’m sorry to ask so much from all of you. You've all been so wonderful.  But I really want Edmund to succeed and, unfortunately, that means LOTS of marketing.  If you can help in anyway, I’d be very grateful.  But please, PLEASE, do not feel obligated.  If you read the first chapter (or the entire book for that matter) and find that it stinks…believe me, there’s absolutely no hard feelings!  Like I said, I’m a new novelist and I want to get better.  I’m sure there’s plenty of room for improvement.

Thanks again to all of you! 

Thank you very, very much!

--Rob

The Writer's Pain: Bad Reviews

I’m in pain, my friends. Horrible pain!  And not from a cavity that I just had filled.

By the way, have any of you had a cavity filled in your back molars only to have it feel as if you couldn’t close your mouth right?  My teeth don’t seem to be lining up correctly and it’s killing my jaw muscles.  Have you ever had that happen?  I’m not sure if I should go back to the dentist or not.  God knows, I don’t want her ripping out the filling and putting in another one!

But back to the sermon…

I’m in PAIN, my friends!  Horrible, HORRIBLE, PAIN!

My stomach is all twisted.  Cold sweat is trickling down my sides. My throat is dry. I want to vomit. 

Ugh!! When will the misery end???

I suppose I should start at the beginning.

Yesterday, one of you wonderful people told me that you liked my book. 

WOW!!!  This was surprising because I didn’t realize that it was out yet.  It isn’t due to be released until tomorrow. The reader explained that she got an early release copy because she reviews books.

Anyway, on a whim, I checked the various book outlets—Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and so forth.  None of them were offering Riddle in Stone.  HOWEVER, I found that goodreads DID have a page up for it!  Moreover, it had two…count them TWO…reviews! ONE…TWO!!!

One review was wonderful.  Clearly the reader actually read the book. He talked about the plot and the characters and how the book really wasn’t a “fantasy,” but more of a character-driven novel.  [Those aren’t the reviewer’s exact words, but I think they are close enough.]  What is better, the reviewer gave the book FIVE STARS! Count them…FIVE!  One, two, three, four, FIVE!!!!!

Holy cow!!!  Really! Wow!  I sat there in front of my computer, just blinking at the screen, wondering if I might be misreading it.  But there it was!  A wonderfully written review with FIVE FAT STARS!  FIVE!

What’s more, the second review gave my book FOUR STARS!! Not five, mind you. But I’ll take it!  Four and five stars!

WOW!

I know that this sounds like a cliché, but I honestly couldn’t sleep last night.

I didn’t have delusions that my book would “make it big” or that I’d become a best seller. Still, I allowed myself to dream that I might not suck as a writer after all!!!

HEAR THAT 9^TH GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER??? I DON’T SUCK AFTER ALL!

By 4:00 in the morning, I still lay in bed, smiling…and trying not to wake my wonderful wife with my tossing and turning.

Two reviews…. Four and five stars….

This morning dawned cold and dark. 

And I checked goodreads.

Bad, bad mistake.  Horrible.

Somebody had rated Riddle in Stone one star.  ONE STAR!  One.

I’m crushed and devastated and…hurt.  Really, really hurt. 

To my credit, I haven’t cried yet.  YET.  But honestly, the only thing that would hurt worse than this is disappointing my wife.   (And maybe being kicked in the testicles.  MAYBE.) 

To quote Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, “Oh, the pain. The pain.”

I want to be clear here.  I don’t blame the reviewer.  Hell no!  She was just being honest and trying to help other readers by warning them away from the hideous monstrosity that is my work.  And if any of you rate Riddle in Stone at one star, believe me, there’ll be no hard feeling.

I blame myself for not being a better writer. 

Look, I know many of you wonderful people have said that you’ll buy my book.  And I hope you do (no pressure!), but I KNOW I’m not brilliant.  I hope that I will be some day, but right now…I’ll settle for good, even “decent.”  I’ll even take “surprisingly average.”

But one star!  

KILL ME OH GODS OF THE WRITTEN PAGE! Kill me now and spare me this hell you’ve thrust me in!!!!

(I’m beginning to see where I might have earned the one star.)

I know that I should shake it off.  I know that I should focus on the TWO other good reviews!  After all, I can’t please everybody.  And people DO have different tastes.  Some people don’t like the Beatles or Tolkien or Carrot Top!  Many people undoubtedly won’t like my work, for both good and malicious reasons.

But I can’t push it out of my mind.

One star…

One star…

One star…

In truth, what I think bothers me most isn’t the one star review…but all of the other one stars that will undoubtedly come at some point in my writing “career.”  And they will come.  That’s just how the world is.  Some people like chocolate. Some people like strawberry. 

This is part of being a writer. 

The worst part.

So what am I going to do, you ask???

Well, first off, I’m not going to look at goodreads or Amazon or any other place that might have bad reviews!  You think I’m kidding or that I can’t do it.  But I can!  Robby has a tremendous ability to be oblivious to things around him.  Just ask my wife.

So I will no longer pay attention to reviews!!  THIS I VOW!!

But I’ll also keep writing, and keep trying to get better.

The Terror of the Blank Page...

So a few days ago, I sent the final version of Riddle in Stone: Book One to the publishers.  They’re working on it, getting it ready for publication next month. 

Riddle in Stone: Book Two is more or less finished.  That is, I have the entire manuscript written, but I’ll probably need to edit it a couple more times before it’s released in August, 2013.  I should be working on it…but after spending the past couple months editing, and re-editing, Book One...I’m really tired of looking at words.  I want to get back to the big picture! I want to get back to CREATING!!

There’s just something about writing a really good scene or creating a character who surprises you.  It feels wonderful!  Absolutely, wonderful!

God, I LOVE WRITING!!!!

So, rather than working on editing the second book, wrestling with each word and punctuation mark, I decided that I’d start working on Riddle in Stone: Book Three, the final book in the series. 

Excited about revisiting my characters and seeing how things were developing in their world, I got a hot cup of tea (Tea of Inquiry, if you want to know), opened a brand new word file, typed “RIDDLE IN STONE: BOOK THREE by Robert Evert,” and…

And…

And that’s all I have so far.

“RIDDLE IN STONE: BOOK THREE by Robert Evert”

Good start…but it needs a little something.  What is it?  Hmmm? Oh, I don’t know.  Maybe… I don't know.... sentences?

I want to blame part of my failure to write on the football games going on.  I’m rooting for Green Bay and Indy.  And how my boys want to play.

But, to be honest, I’ve always been terrified of the blank page.  It sits there, all white and clean…mocking me.

MOCKING ME!!!

Curse you blank page! Sitting there so smugly on my computer screen…taunting me….

TAUNTING ME!!!

Even as I sit here and stare at the nearly blank page, I wonder—How the hell did I do this before?  Not just once, but twice!  How the hell did I get pass this horrible monster?

I suppose the first thing I need to do is blog less.  And play less online.  After all, I should be focusing on finishing the series!  I should  just buckle down!  Put my nose to the grindstone!  Hitch up my belt and start kicking ass!

*sigh*

Maybe I should play another game of solitaire.  THEN!  THEN I’ll start writing!!!

Becoming a Writer (part 2)

All righty!  I’m back!

Before I finish my story from last time, I want to thank those of you who have stopped by, read my ramblings, posted kind comments, and so forth. I really appreciate your support!  It means a great deal to me. Thank you very, very much.

For those of you who are new to my blog and aren’t imaginary people…last week, I started telling a story about how I got published.  Or, more precisely, how I’m getting published.

 I have a manuscript called Riddle in Stone scheduled to be released as an e-book by Diversion Books in February. If you like fantasies, you might want to get a copy.  It’ll only cost $2.99 or so during the first month it’s out.  So it’s reasonably priced. But no pressure! My kids need braces…but…don’t worry about us. We’re fine.  We’ll manage—somehow.   

Anyway…to summarize the tale thus far, ever since reading Tolkien in fifth grade, I’ve always wanted to be a writer.  It’s a burning passion for me.  Some people have to run or workout or shop, I have to write. It’s a compulsion.  I simply HAVE to write! 

Can you dig it?

Unfortunately, I started story after story after story, but I never finished any of them.  I’d get really excited about a character or a plot, and then…eh? I’d lose my focus and start something else, something that I thought was going to be even better that what I had been working on!

Even when I had publishers interested in what I was working on, I couldn’t finish the damn manuscript. I’d try for several weeks, but then the motivation would disappear like smoke in the wind. 

Consequently, I always felt like a worthless loser. 

“Loooser!!!!”

With the encouragement of my wonderful wife, I finally became determined to finish an actual novel-length manuscript, which…after about a year of working on it every day, I did!!  I finished the manuscript, sent out query letter to agents, and received a TON of interest!  Seriously! Nearly every agent I queried wanted to see my work. MY WORK!!!

Yippeee!!

But none of the agents who requested my manuscript wanted to take it on as a project.  According to their generic letters, they “liked” what I had written, but didn’t “like it enough” to undertake it at that time.

 

Bastards….

So I was feeling like an even bigger loser. I spent all of this time and effort, but nobody wanted to represent my manuscript.

Ugh!!!  What a failure!

FAILURE!!!!!!

Finally, the last rejection letters came back. 

It was one of those Xeroxed form letters that started, “Dear submitter.”  Nice, eh?  I mean, how hard is it to put my name on a damn rejection letter?  There’s something call a computer, you idiots! Just type in “Rob” after dear.  Three little letters! How hard would that be? 

Dear submitter…

Bite me!

Anyway, this letter really changed my life.

Written across its bottom, in big letters, were the words, “Terrific idea, poorly executed.”

If I thought I was depressed before, I was really despondent now.

Here I thought I was going to be a writer, and ACTUAL WRITER!  I worked my ass off for an entire year, had what I thought was a good (if not great) manuscript…and then I learn that I sucked as a writer.

Sucked!

I sucked!

Sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked…SUCKED!

Now…if you don’t know yet, I’m a bit of a nut. I have to do things a certain way. I have my little rituals, like I HAVE to kiss my wife on the back porch as she’s leaving for work (it can’t be in the kitchen or living room.  It has to be on the back porch!).  I only feel comfortable in either grey or navy blue sweatshirts. And so forth.

I’m a depressive.

I worry.

I obsess.

I get really stressed out and down on myself at the drop of a hat.

I’m a nut!

And, as I said, I have to write. I just have to. If you aren’t a writer, you probably don’t get what I’m saying.  If you are a writer, you’re probably nodding your head.  I simply HAVE to write.

After the final rejection, I tried to give up writing. Vowed that I would never put myself through that hell again….

…but I couldn’t give it up.

I’m a writer.

A sucky writer…but a writer.

So, after a few weeks, as the sting from the rejections and the knowledge that I sucked (SUCKED!) as a writer began to fade somewhat, I did something I never thought that I’d do— something that I always laughed at whenever some of my writer friends brought it up.

I bought some books on writing.

You see, my dear imaginary friends, I was always resistant to buying such books because I thought I already knew how to write!

I mean, I knew how to form sentences. I knew about verbs and subjects and adverbs and all that fancy stuff!  I always got A’s in English (that is, when I actually turned in the work).  Further, I thought that…for all my many faults…I am a fairly creative storyteller.  I’m pretty good about putting twists into a story that will surprise and delight readers.  What the hell else is there to learn?

HOLY CRAP was I wrong! Horribly, horribly wrong!

I bought a bunch of books, but two of them in particular really made all the difference in the world.

I bought “Stein on Writing: A Master Editor Shares His Craft, Techniques, and Strategies” (by @Sol Stein) and “On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft” (by @Stephen King).

Both books changed how I approached writing, changed it completely.

In the future, I’ll try to blog about what I learned from Stein and King.  But there’s so much that I could tell you, I just can’t go into it now. Suffice to say, I realized three things:

1.   I DID suck as a writer. Truer words were never spoken.

2.   There were a lot of things that I could do to become better. And…

3.   If you want to become writer, you have to STUDY THE CRAFT OF WRITING.

If you want to become published, re-read that third point.  

STUDY THE CRAFT OF WRITING!!!

Writing is an art.  An ART!  Just like painting or dancing or teaching.

Yes, some people are naturally gifted.  They can run really fast or can hit a baseball far…but even those freaks of nature still have to study the art of playing football or baseball. You can’t just walk onto a stage and be a ballerina. Or walk into a classroom and be a terrific teacher. You have to work at it. You have to study what’s been done. You have to learn to be better.

You probably agree with that.

Yet…people seem to think that everybody can write.  Everybody has one good story in them! All you have to do is start typing, right?

No!!!

You have to study. You have to learn what works and what doesn’t. 

Writing isn’t about just words on a page.  It’s about so much more.

So, that’s the “trick” that I learned to get published. I realized that if I wanted to be a serious writer, I had to take writing seriously.

STUDY THE CRAFT OF WRITING….

There’s a little bit more to this story.  But I can’t do it justice right now.  Besides the Packers are on and I need to get going.

Before I go, I want to say it one more time…if you want to be a writer, if you want to get published…you HAVE TO STUDY THE CRAFT. 

We’ll talk more about what "studying the craft" means next time.  I’ll tell you how I study and what changes I made. I’ll also tell you how I approached my agent and so forth.

 

If you’re interested, please come back.  Your company, real or imaginary, is always welcome.

Until next time….

What Do You Mean I Have To Market My Book?

            Well, here I am…sitting in front of my computer trying to figure out what to do. 

You see — after a lifetime of dreaming, writing strange stories that my teachers never appreciated, and crying over mass produced rejection letters starting with the phrase, “While I enjoyed your work…” — I’ve finally published my first novel! Yippee! It’s called Riddle in Stone and will be released by Diversion Books in February of 2013. 

Here’s the catch….  I have to help “promote” it. 

What the hell does that mean? 

According to my agent and publisher, I have to, among other things, start a “blog.”

I don’t blog. 

It sounds disgusting. It reminds me of my college roommate vomiting in the garbage can—BLOG!  BLOOOOOG! 

Also, I’m not very tech-savvy. 

I can handle e-mail. However, I have yet to master smart phones, texting, newer IPODs, or Windows 8.  So this whole “blogging” thing scares the crap out of me. I’ll probably be the only “blogger” who gets rejection letters. 

“Dear Blogger,

While I enjoyed reading your blog, I did not enjoy it strongly enough to take it on as a project at this time….”

Fortunately, I’m quite sure nobody is out there reading this.  So, as Billy Murray said in Caddyshack, “At least I have that going for me.”

Yet, if I want Riddle in Stone to be successful…and I really, REALLY do…I apparently have to enter the 21^st Century—kicking and screaming, the entire way. 

So here I am.

Now, according to “Blogging For Dummies” (And yes, I actually did research blogging.) I have to blog about something.  I have to have some sort of theme to my ramblings.  I’m supposed to tap into my “unique expertise” and enlighten people about something.

I have no expertise.

Well, that’s not entirely true.  I’m a researcher by training. I do cost analysis and policy stuff related to the employment of people with disabilities. But, honestly, do you really want to hear about that?  BLOOOOG!

Then again…maybe I DO have something in common with a great many of you imaginary readers. Something that would be helpful for me to write about as well as helpful (or at least entertaining) for any of you who might stumble into this digital hell to read.

Specifically, I’m…well, a tad neurotic. 

I have to have things a certain way, like needing a cup of hot tea (in a certain mug) immediately to my right while I write. I have my little routines, such as listening to the radio while I drive to the health club, but NOT when I’m driving to my office. And I need to know EXACTLY what’s on the day’s schedule each and every morning. It must be written down; otherwise, I simply can’t function.

Some people see the glass half-full, others half-empty.  I didn’t realize that there was a glass I’m supposed to be looking at. It’s not my fault. Nobody told me!

I think most writers are like me. By our very nature, we’re insecure and not well-suited for conventional society. Why else do we spend so much time developing our own little worlds? Eh? 

Don’t believe me?

Ask any writer about their characters.  Ask them if they “hear” their characters talking in their head. Or whether they know what their characters think about any given topic. We do!  In fact, next to my wonderful wife, Edmund (my character in Riddle in Stone *cough* Third plug! *cough*) is probably the closest thing I have to a friend.  Okay…that’s being a little melodramatic. But it’s also very close to being true. I KNOW him just like any writer knows his or her own characters.

In other words, what the DSM-IV describes as schizoaffective disorder, we writers call “character development”!  That, and generally speaking, we’re really odd people without many friends.

So this is what I want to do…. 

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been trying to “get better.”  That is, I’m trying to become a happier, more well-adjusted, less rigid, social, normal person.  I want to “roll with the punches” and “be flexible” and “play well in the sandbox” and “be the wind beneath somebody’s wings.”  I really want to become the type of person my sons deserve to have as their father. I need to be a better person.

So…this blog (BLOOOOG!) is going to be about that…my journey as a neurotic writer to become…well, a less neurotic writer. 

It’s going to be a long ride, my dear imaginary reader. I hope you’ll join me from time to time.  Insanity is a lonely party.

At the very least, this blog thingie will be cheap therapy.

Until next time….

BLOOOOG!

**EDIT: I'm going to try to post each week. But we'll see how that goes.***