The Writer's Pain: Bad Reviews

I’m in pain, my friends. Horrible pain!  And not from a cavity that I just had filled.

By the way, have any of you had a cavity filled in your back molars only to have it feel as if you couldn’t close your mouth right?  My teeth don’t seem to be lining up correctly and it’s killing my jaw muscles.  Have you ever had that happen?  I’m not sure if I should go back to the dentist or not.  God knows, I don’t want her ripping out the filling and putting in another one!

But back to the sermon…

I’m in PAIN, my friends!  Horrible, HORRIBLE, PAIN!

My stomach is all twisted.  Cold sweat is trickling down my sides. My throat is dry. I want to vomit. 

Ugh!! When will the misery end???

I suppose I should start at the beginning.

Yesterday, one of you wonderful people told me that you liked my book. 

WOW!!!  This was surprising because I didn’t realize that it was out yet.  It isn’t due to be released until tomorrow. The reader explained that she got an early release copy because she reviews books.

Anyway, on a whim, I checked the various book outlets—Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and so forth.  None of them were offering Riddle in Stone.  HOWEVER, I found that goodreads DID have a page up for it!  Moreover, it had two…count them TWO…reviews! ONE…TWO!!!

One review was wonderful.  Clearly the reader actually read the book. He talked about the plot and the characters and how the book really wasn’t a “fantasy,” but more of a character-driven novel.  [Those aren’t the reviewer’s exact words, but I think they are close enough.]  What is better, the reviewer gave the book FIVE STARS! Count them…FIVE!  One, two, three, four, FIVE!!!!!

Holy cow!!!  Really! Wow!  I sat there in front of my computer, just blinking at the screen, wondering if I might be misreading it.  But there it was!  A wonderfully written review with FIVE FAT STARS!  FIVE!

What’s more, the second review gave my book FOUR STARS!! Not five, mind you. But I’ll take it!  Four and five stars!

WOW!

I know that this sounds like a cliché, but I honestly couldn’t sleep last night.

I didn’t have delusions that my book would “make it big” or that I’d become a best seller. Still, I allowed myself to dream that I might not suck as a writer after all!!!

HEAR THAT 9^TH GRADE ENGLISH TEACHER??? I DON’T SUCK AFTER ALL!

By 4:00 in the morning, I still lay in bed, smiling…and trying not to wake my wonderful wife with my tossing and turning.

Two reviews…. Four and five stars….

This morning dawned cold and dark. 

And I checked goodreads.

Bad, bad mistake.  Horrible.

Somebody had rated Riddle in Stone one star.  ONE STAR!  One.

I’m crushed and devastated and…hurt.  Really, really hurt. 

To my credit, I haven’t cried yet.  YET.  But honestly, the only thing that would hurt worse than this is disappointing my wife.   (And maybe being kicked in the testicles.  MAYBE.) 

To quote Dr. Smith from Lost in Space, “Oh, the pain. The pain.”

I want to be clear here.  I don’t blame the reviewer.  Hell no!  She was just being honest and trying to help other readers by warning them away from the hideous monstrosity that is my work.  And if any of you rate Riddle in Stone at one star, believe me, there’ll be no hard feeling.

I blame myself for not being a better writer. 

Look, I know many of you wonderful people have said that you’ll buy my book.  And I hope you do (no pressure!), but I KNOW I’m not brilliant.  I hope that I will be some day, but right now…I’ll settle for good, even “decent.”  I’ll even take “surprisingly average.”

But one star!  

KILL ME OH GODS OF THE WRITTEN PAGE! Kill me now and spare me this hell you’ve thrust me in!!!!

(I’m beginning to see where I might have earned the one star.)

I know that I should shake it off.  I know that I should focus on the TWO other good reviews!  After all, I can’t please everybody.  And people DO have different tastes.  Some people don’t like the Beatles or Tolkien or Carrot Top!  Many people undoubtedly won’t like my work, for both good and malicious reasons.

But I can’t push it out of my mind.

One star…

One star…

One star…

In truth, what I think bothers me most isn’t the one star review…but all of the other one stars that will undoubtedly come at some point in my writing “career.”  And they will come.  That’s just how the world is.  Some people like chocolate. Some people like strawberry. 

This is part of being a writer. 

The worst part.

So what am I going to do, you ask???

Well, first off, I’m not going to look at goodreads or Amazon or any other place that might have bad reviews!  You think I’m kidding or that I can’t do it.  But I can!  Robby has a tremendous ability to be oblivious to things around him.  Just ask my wife.

So I will no longer pay attention to reviews!!  THIS I VOW!!

But I’ll also keep writing, and keep trying to get better.